seven.

WOAH creativity flow. here goes nothing.


i need a little more honesty
i need a little more truth
i need a little more belief
i need a little more you

im missing too much laughter
im missing too many smiles
im missing that warm fuzzy feeling
ive been missing these for a while

i want back my attitude
i want back my trust
i want back my faith
these really are a must

i dont know how i lost them
im unsure where they've gone
but i need them, want them, wish them back
they've been missing for too long

can you find them? i dont know where i should look
do you know where they're at? i don't
cant they make their way back home?
my "me" is tired of being alone.

six.

Stumbling around several "fan pages" on facebook, I couldn't help but notice that every other one I found involved a list of things that one gender felt the other should know in order to be more successful in a relationship. Truth be told: I hope that whoever I date, never reads those lists. I want the man who will hold my heart to be the type to care enough to ask me how to be there for me when i'm upset.. I don't want a guy to call me every single night because he has to, but because he feels compelled to. I never want a love who kisses me mid-fight, I want him to listen, learn, and help me to fix what has been broken. I would hate to have a love who tells me I'm beautiful when I'm not, instead, I want a man who believes I am for reasons other than appearance. If ever a day arrives where a guy makes me laugh because it's his job, I will be devastated. Make me laugh because you're in love with my smile. Don't drag yourself into being places you don't want to simply because I do.. I never want a guy who compromises himself and his interests to appear more perfect. The guy, the one out there for me, he's perfect the way he is. And if he doesn't like chick flicks, butter on his popcorn or my "do-it-myself" attitude, then there will be plenty of other things we can share, and new things we can love to do together. I never want to find myself with someone who tells me the things that make me melt. I don't want those little lines spoon fed to me that make me believe the person I am with is forever. I don't want to love a lie. Someday I'll find a love who tells me when I'm wrong, stands up to my assertiveness, and sees through my sarcasm. And this love out there, will never do these things because he read this, and molded himself to fit who I need.. the person I'll love is already my match, already my mold, already out there.. waiting. Waiting for our paths to cross. There are no prerequisites to relationships.. no step-by-step itineraries, no telling your significant other what they want to hear because you think it sounds nice. Just Love. There is nothing else required..

Why is that so difficult?
Why do people feel like if someone just does the right things at the right times, their relationship will be the most successful thing to ever grace this planet?
Screw that!

I want to fight
I want to learn
I want to push
I want to be challenged
I want to struggle
I want to argue
I want to be honest

Because when all is said and done, I know that me and him (where ever he may be) will be strong TOGETHER. Not in spite of each other.

When I find love, I want to find a love that lasts, a life together for forever. When I find love, I'll know when I know him. When I find love, nothing will be able to destroy it. When I find love, we'll both be ready.

I know that every day will not be a happy one, but it will last until ever after..

five.

I feel like I'm learning all over again, I feel as if all the knowledge I have been struggling to gain all of my life has flown out the window and left me walking around lost and hopeless, searching for a clue as to where to start. I would really love to catch a break..

four.

I'm beginning to think that my wisdom teeth do not want me to write on a daily basis, if at all. This is prohibiting me from thinking coherently let alone expressing myself through writing. I wish that i could feel the flow of being a writer again. I miss it dearly.

two (and three)

Yesterday was far too hectic to sit down and write out my thoughts. I feel like life is all crazy hectic and I have way too many things going on in my head to just STOP. BREATHE. and WRITE. I need to free-association write and I hope to get that accomplished this weekend.

I got my wisdom teeth out this morning. I'm groggy and kinda sleepy and incredibly sore and very hungry. But I am not in alot of pain, so for that I am incredibly grateful and I will not be complaining about this experience.

Like I said, I have too much in my head to write at this point in time. I'm terribly sorry, i believe this could very well be a cop-out. But I have every intention of writing, I just cannot accomplish that in this format today.

I feel like I need to develop a signature.
I'll be brainstorming that in my future journaling and blogging for sure.

one.

This is going to take some getting used to. I've always aspired to write, every day. Produce something of value each waking moment. Attempt to express my inner-most thoughts eloquently, at least once a day. But somehow, I always fail. I've never been able to get into the groove of sitting down, quieting my mind, and letting go. I'm unsure why I have such a difficulty expressing myself to.. myself? Yet here I am. I'm excited to be starting the NEW YEAR this way, I feel like this could become a good habit to get into, but until it adapts to a part of my every day routine, I'll keep "force-writing". (Not my favorite..)

on LOVE: I'm learning to love me, more. I have always had a fairly high level of self-confidence, but there is a difference between confidence and acceptance. I'm writing a piece right now one loving and being love, I'm anxious to see how it turns out. I'll post it here later.

on LIFE: it goes on.

(I tend to write in cliches when I force-write. bear with me)

on TODAY: I'm anxious, uncomfortable, annoyed, interested, nosy, uninspired, bored, indecisive, unbalanced, matching, cliche, unobservant, creative, unfocused, sleepy, random, borderline-obnoxious, quiet, amused, musical... wondering where today will take me.

I can tell that my format and style of writing is going to change and adapt quite a bit throughout this whole experience.